Where my journey began

I am not broken, I am just someone who was born with sensitive nerves. I know this to be true now, but I spent years wondering what was wrong with me. I couldn’t sit for long periods of time, I have never been able to use a tampon, and sex hurt. A lot.

As an Indian woman, from a culture where we don’t talk about sex or anything intimate, I avoided asking for help. It took me a long time to even acknowledge that anything could be wrong with me. While I was in a loving partnership, I felt lucky for what I had, and I didn’t want to rock the boat. I was so full of shame I didn’t tell my family, minimized my pain to my partner, and avoided doctors. When I did go to gynecologists, they told me to “relax and drink some wine,” and dismissed my pain. I believed them. But your body tries to protect you. My system was stuck in a hypervigilent state. I started experiencing anxiety and feeling disassociated from my life.

What worked

Vulvovaginal conditions are treated by such few providers, that even getting a diagnosis takes years. According to a study from Hinge Health, women waits over 6 years before even seeking care and go to numerous providers before receiving a proper diagnosis. This was true for me. I found empathetic providers in Washington DC who specialize in pelvic pain. I worked with a Pelvic Floor PT, a therapist and invested time into building my relationship back with my body. The process is the outcome. It got to a point where chronic pelvic pain is something I manage, but it wasn’t central to my life.

Not everyone has the time or resources I did.
That’s why I became a health and wellness coach.

It makes me angry that most pelvic pain or vulvovaginal conditions are not covered by insurance in the US, and even a consultation can cost thousands of dollars. This leads women to defer care even more. My goal is to support women as they navigate this awful system, but also to validate their pain, and enable them to make lifestyle changes beyond the clinical diagnosis.

I am especially passionate about helping students or those without access to women’s health services. For every 4 clients I take on, I take on 1 client pro-bono. Overcoming pelvic pain takes time, and I want to be there to support my clients along the ups and downs.

On the other side

The more I shared my experience, the more I heard some form of “me too” from friends, family and strangers and friends of friends. They started opening up more, and we started feeling less alone. In addition to 1:1 coaching, I began leading Women’s Circles because I I know that having just one other person by my side could have helped me feel less broken. I believe that community and conversation are key to change.

Conversations around sex, pain, and pleasure should feel normal. The truth is, this is normal. I have no shame left.